he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
