I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
