I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
