dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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