I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
