Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
