When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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