He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
