How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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