oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
