I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
