I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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