someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
