be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
