But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
