just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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