She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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