how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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