just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
