Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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