if i died would you start the facebook group?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
