When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize