I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
