He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
