I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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