Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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