Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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