24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
