Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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