Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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