Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am mentally ready for anal.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
