when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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