Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
