just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
