I am in a vortex of obligation.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
