Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
