im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
