weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
even my farts smell like vagina
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
