do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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