i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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