the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
