If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
