you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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