did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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