So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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