"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
