She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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