I CAN MOONWALK!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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