I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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