just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
