I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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