Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
3pm strippers are depressing
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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