hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
