nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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