i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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