I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
