that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize