its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
