I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize