Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this beer tastes like vomit already
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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