did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
