I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
