Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
