A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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