she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
whose parrot is this?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
