I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
