1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
do nipples grow back?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
