dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
high people should be assigned attendants
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
