Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
