I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize