Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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