Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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