So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
