Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
