Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
