I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
