dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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