We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
