My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
