Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
