I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just google imaged poop.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize