thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Im part way to drunk.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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