He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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