I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize