I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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