textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
