So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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