We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We got so high we made milksteak
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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