I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
