I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
