There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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