Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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