I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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