Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
