some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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