I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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