He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
