Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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